Membership status: Administrator
Bio:
Yes, I am the one responsible for any cornea damage resulting from this colour scheme..
Hmmm. what to say? Ok, well I'm never able to stay serious for long and it was that train of thought which led to the creation of these awards. I love reading funny fics and thought it would be a great idea to reward the best.
My sense of humour is weird at best, and gross/disturbing at worst (my friends can vouch for that!). When writing, my brain seems to take on a life of it's own and my barely existent filter disappears. I even shock myself sometimes with the filth that appears in my chapters. Dirty humour is always the best!
You can follow me on Twitter @TwifanUK and I now have a blog for my fics @ http://twifanuk.blogspot.com/
If you want to read any of my 'serious' stuff you can find me @ http://www.fanfiction.net/u/1918069/TwifanUK
Bella's back hurts,can her new roommate Edward the chiropractor help her? Will they behave? Or are they naughty to the bone?
Categories: Books and Literature > Twilight
Characters: Bella Swan, Edward Cullen
Genre 1: Romance
Genre 2: Humour
Type of Humour: Romantic/Sexual
Series: None
Chapters: 7 Table of Contents
Completed: No Word count: 11971 Read Count: 146
Date: Aug 29, 2011 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1
Really good to see you posting again! I'm gonna have to re-read this to catch up! :D
It's always hectic right before a wedding. Emmett gets a surprise, Edward gets a lap-dance, Carlisle gets out of control, Jasper gets a date. The Cullen men bond over drinks, dinner and live entertainment. AH, M.
Categories: Books and Literature > Twilight
Characters: Carlisle Cullen, Edward Cullen, Emmett Cullen, Jasper Hale
Genre 1: Friendship
Genre 2: Humour
Type of Humour: None
Series: None
Chapters: 1 Table of Contents
Completed: Yes Word count: 4916 Read Count: 42
Date: Aug 01, 2010 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1
Loved it ladies!!Really funny and just what I needed tonight.
Pervy drunk Carlisle is fantastic!
"Sure, I think we all would agree you're quite fuckable, Bella. Even Jasper might have a go. Not so sure about Em, though; he likes his women bigger."
What can I say about Jasper and his dolls? Methinks he might upgrade from Barbie to a 'living doll' and live happily ever after ;)
Author's Response:
why thank you, Miss Fiend! I certainly hope Jasper gets a HEA with a real doll, too!
o/s Spring Break. Cancun. Booze. Babes. Not for Emmett McCarty who has to work. In the mall. Hungover and in a bunny costume. The girl no one can get is taking the pictures and handing out hangover remedies. A/H Non-canon pairing. Rated M for language.
Categories: Books and Literature > Twilight
Characters: Emmett Cullen, Kate
Genre 1: Romance
Genre 2: Humour
Type of Humour: None
Series: None
Chapters: 1 Table of Contents
Completed: Yes Word count: 2042 Read Count: 6
Date: Jul 20, 2010 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1
I loved this the first time read it and it just gets better with every subsequent read. Nobody can write Emmett like you - not even Smeyer. Her Emmett is just a hollow shell that you have made into a real person.
""Emmett, are you OK?" she asks leaning down right in front of me. Little-Bo-Peep gives me a peep show. Mmmmm… those are bunny num nums."
^^ best line ever!
Author's Response:
I'm sorry I missed this for so long! This is the story that started the Katie/Em pairing *cue sappy music*
I love fluffin' out The McCarty, as you well know. Thanks for making me remember this one - I just had a good laugh reading it again, too! : )
xoxo
J
When Edward asks Bella to help him study for a test, she has no idea that it is a hands-on learning experience.
Categories: Books and Literature > Twilight
Characters: Bella Swan, Edward Cullen
Genre 1: Romance
Genre 2: Humour
Type of Humour: None
Series: None
Chapters: 1 Table of Contents
Completed: Yes Word count: 3216 Read Count: 84
Date: Aug 23, 2010 Title: Chapter 1: The Anatomy Lesson
Oh I love all the med talk! lol.
"Use your metatarsals to ambulate your tibia, fibula, patellas, and femurs right to this spot here." She points out the floor just adjacent to her. "Then I'm going to pinch your pectorals while I palpate your gluteus maximus, and make sure that penis of yours gets a mighty fine workout. Then, we'll repeat, ad infinitum. Sound like a plan, doctor?"
Great O/S. :)
Can a lab geek ever find the woman of his dreams? Well, he may be able to find her, but can he convince her to go on a date? Dr. Cullen does his very best to win over Dr. Swan's heart. Gigglesnort Awards Judge's Choice Winner.
Categories: Books and Literature > Twilight
Characters: Bella Swan, Edward Cullen
Genre 1: Romance
Genre 2: Humour
Type of Humour: None
Series: None
Chapters: 1 Table of Contents
Completed: Yes Word count: 10903 Read Count: 57
Date: Sep 07, 2010 Title: Chapter 1: Love Among the Microbes
Gotta say this is one of my fave one-shots! Geeky but so sweet and funny. I was so tempted to buy some mini-bugs after reading this! lol.
Author's Response:
Aw, I'm so thrilled you enjoyed it! Thanks for letting me know! The geeks always win, in my book. :)
What happens when the Colons...err..Cullens move into the Trailer Park? 2nd place winner of the Trailer Trash Cullen Contest. A humorous tale of trailer trash love.
Categories: Books and Literature > Twilight
Characters: Alice Cullen, Bella Swan, Carlisle Cullen, Edward Cullen, Emmett Cullen, Esme Cullen, Jasper Hale, Rosalie Hale
Genre 1: Parody
Genre 2: Humour
Type of Humour: None
Series: None
Chapters: 1 Table of Contents
Completed: Yes Word count: 3986 Read Count: 28
Date: Aug 22, 2010 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1
I love the Cullen's and gang being from a trailer park.
Gotta say my fave characters were Alice and Jasper (oh and little Jazz ofcourse). This line was a classic:
"I know, right? Jasper pulled out every time except for the once in the fun house at the county fair. We didn't think it was right to get spoo where kids would be playing,"
So considerate of them! haha.
Loved it, keep up the great work.
Author's Response:
Thabnk you so much!!! I just added anouther story here. Esme is a riot!
Come to Pink Cookie, where porn never tasted this good. Erotic baker, Edward Cullen has a new obsession in the form of Bella Swan. Will his buttercream satisfy her sweet tooth? AH, OOC, Comedy/Romance. Collab between BellaFlan and Mac214.
Categories: Books and Literature > Twilight
Characters: Bella Swan, Edward Cullen
Genre 1: Romance
Genre 2: Humour
Type of Humour: None
Series: None
Chapters: 10 Table of Contents
Completed: No Word count: 26063 Read Count: 280
Date: Sep 07, 2010 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1
Why do I suddenly have a craving for buttercream icing? That's a goddam hot start and look forward to reading the rest. :)
Once upon a time, in a Happy Hidey Hole, there lived the three sweetest rabbits on Misty Mountain Meadow—Cuddlemopina, SweetsnuffleKate, and Prettyanya—and their cousin Grumblebunnyward.
How do you survive in the Deep Dark Forest when you and your cousins approach life so VERY differently?
Spoof on a children's picuture book crossed with five Twi characters.
Categories: Books and Literature > Twilight
Characters: Edward Cullen, Kate, Tanya
Genre 1: Family, Parody
Genre 2: Humour
Type of Humour: None
Series: None
Chapters: 1 Table of Contents
Completed: Yes Word count: 925 Read Count: 825
Date: Sep 16, 2010 Title: Chapter 1: Why Winterstale Is Unable to Make Plot Bunny Stew
I love it Di! hahaha
I think this little story is fantastic. Totally different to the usual fanfic and definitely one to lighten your mood. You certainly unleash your inner child when reading it.
Author's Response:
Thanks, babe!! It was just to apropos not to share with the name modifications! LOL
Glad ya liked it and got as big a giggle out of it as I did!
Geeky Bella has a theory. She suspects that popular Edward Cullen is not who he claims to be. Being one not to let things go, she decides to investigate. Are her crazy speculations true or will she be left feeling foolish? Most importantly, how far is she willing to go to prove herself accurate? OOC
Categories: Books and Literature > Twilight
Characters: Bella Swan, Edward Cullen
Genre 1: Mystery
Genre 2: Humour
Type of Humour: None
Series: None
Chapters: 12 Table of Contents
Completed: No Word count: 59982 Read Count: 210
Date: Oct 15, 2010 Title: Chapter 1: Stalking Is Fine...As Long As It Is For Scientific Purposes
I really like your writing style. It flows well and is very easy to read.
This story sounds very promising and I'm looking forward to where you're going with it. Methinks it will be very funny!
Author's Response:
Thanks for the review! I'm glad you like the story so far. :)
At Rose and Emmett's first ever All Hallows Eve party, Edward is forced to step out of his comfort zone and is subjected to multiple tricks and treats. An entry for the All Hallows Eve contest.
Categories: Books and Literature > Twilight
Characters: Edward Cullen, Emmett Cullen, Rosalie Hale
Genre 1: General
Genre 2: Humour
Type of Humour: None
Series: None
Chapters: 1 Table of Contents
Completed: No Word count: 4443 Read Count: 14
Date: Oct 31, 2010 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1
I really enjoyed that. I love Carlisle and Esme and have quite a visual of them as Dog and Beth!
Looking forward to see where you go with this.
Marie has a late night run-in with a very out of place Jacob Black. Is she dreaming or what?
NOMINATED FOR A HIDDEN STAR AWARD FOR BEST ONE SHOT!!
Categories: Books and Literature > Twilight
Characters: Bella Swan, Jacob Black
Genre 1: Romance
Genre 2: Humour
Type of Humour: None
Series: None
Chapters: 1 Table of Contents
Completed: Yes Word count: 1950 Read Count: 15
Date: Nov 02, 2010 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1
That was frigging brilliant!
I loved how you incorporated some of Becoming Bella Swan and Bounty! Gotta be Bounty for Sonja! ;)
Taking the piss out of the saga is a must and you picked up on a couple of my biggest irks.
Very well done. It was a great read that had me laughing from beginning to end.
Author's Response:
Why, thank you! I do love the Bounty, and BellaFlan never misses a chance to tease me about it. *sigh*
There were lots of things about the saga that irritated me. Breaking Dawn being a big part of it. I'm convinced SM was on drugs when she wrote that.
I'm glad you enjoyed it, thanks for reviewing!
Trash.
Dirty.
Filthy.
Late nights.
Early mornings.
Finally open your eyes to see Edward staring back. It's hard to remember to take out the trash when you're a high-class hooker. Do you need help cleaning house? Let the garbage collector do it.
Categories: Books and Literature > Twilight
Characters: Bella Swan, Edward Cullen
Genre 1: Romance
Genre 2: Humour
Type of Humour: None
Series: None
Chapters: 52 Table of Contents
Completed: Yes Word count: 56709 Read Count: 797
Date: Feb 21, 2011 Title: Chapter 2: Heading to the Depot
I really like what you have so far :) Looking forward to Edward finding out about Bella's profession and how he deals with it.
Thanks for submitting to the GSF.
Author's Response:
Thanks for the invite and for your review! It's such a relief to laugh while I write instep of contemplating the meaning of life and shit! M
Date: Mar 14, 2011 Title: Chapter 3: Thursday's Pick Up
Hahaha, the sight of Newton in a nasty wifebeater and boxers with his belly peaking out really isn't something you should witness before noon! ;)
Really sweet chapter and I love the interaction between Mr. Adorable and Ms. Perky. :)
Date: Mar 14, 2011 Title: Chapter 7: Pick Me Up, Let Me Down
Oh dear. Brilliant!!
Date: Mar 14, 2011 Title: Chapter 8: Thursday's Pick Up, Week 2
Love Nessie as the truck!!
Date: Mar 14, 2011 Title: Chapter 21: Monday's Pick Up, Week 4
Ooh, things are getting interesting with Adorable and Crackle moving up the chain. Not liking the notion of Carlisle being a Don. Methinks things could get messy and awkward for Adorable and Perky...
Date: Mar 15, 2011 Title: Chapter 22: Tuesday's Pick Up
I love the fact that Adorable uses Google for sex tips with Perky.
A very hot, yet ridiculously sweet chapter. I love that she orgasms as he professes his love for her. I reckon that's real progress for perky - and not just on the cum scale. She's done something with Adorable that she never does with other men. For her that seems like a huge deal.
Am looking forward to seeing where this goes, but am pretty apprehensive. I'm in no doubt it's gonna get pretty bumpy for them.
Author's Response:
Thanks for all of your reviews, Jo... I always write bumpy rides, but I'm hoping this one's enjoyable along the way. M
Will the thousand year old scorching hot Viking stallion, Eric Northman, get laid tonight or has fate got other plans for him?
My entry to the St Eric competition on fanfiction.net.
Described in a review on fanfic as 'worst fanfic EVAH' my caps not theirs.
And yeh there is a slight pop at Twilight...
Categories: Books and Literature > Sookie Stackhouse SVM
Characters: Eric Northman
Genre 1: None
Genre 2: Humour
Type of Humour: None
Series: None
Chapters: 1 Table of Contents
Completed: Yes Word count: 7996 Read Count: 21
Date: Mar 15, 2011 Title: Chapter 1: Stay Dead Already
Yep... that was pretty... erm, surreal! lol. Very funny though.
My fave bit was:
BEEEEEEEEEEL, BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEL IS MISSING!” Sookie shrieked, “OH WOE IS ME!”
“These ear buds are great aren’t they?” Pam said quietly, “they really cut out the din. I must get some in pink.”
“YOU MUST FIND BEEEEEEEEEEEEEL, WE ARE GOING TO BE MARRIED AND HE HAS GONE, GONE, GOOOOOOOONE!”
“Is she on drugs?”
“I’ve seen this before, it could be snuff addiction.”
“These ear buds are great aren’t they? I can’t hear a word the silly cow is saying.”
I could definitely hear Sookie with her 'Beeel'. lol.
Bella is a blockbuster actress who's out to make a joke of Hollywood. A night of mishaps places her in the bed of the most egotistical actor in Tinsel Town; a man she loves to hate. Trouble doesn't end with just a litter of kittens.
Categories: Books and Literature > Twilight
Characters: Bella Swan, Edward Cullen
Genre 1: Romance
Genre 2: None
Type of Humour: None
Series: None
Chapters: 3 Table of Contents
Completed: Yes Word count: 16543 Read Count: 116
Date: May 21, 2011 Title: Chapter 1: Best Fall From Grace: Bella Swan
Really enjoyed it. A great start to what is undoubtedly gonna be an interesting ride for the two of them.
"By the time Alice was finished, I was pretty sure that my head was going to roll off my shoulders, it felt that heavy. I could only hope that it would roll right into her shins, thereby bowling the bitch over and giving me a strike."
^^ That, just there. Fucking genius!! lmao.
Author's Response:
Thanks gorgeous x
Date: May 22, 2011 Title: Chapter 2: Fastest Quick Shooter: Edward Cullen
Love the banter between the pair of them. The scene with Bella swinging the champagne bottle at Eric but only soaking herself had me really giggling. It's exactly what I'd bloody do!
I'll comment on the secksing once my mind has cleared ;)
Author's Response:
bahahahah you crack me up! Cheers, babe x
Date: May 22, 2011 Title: Chapter 3: For Naming Kittens: Bella & Edward
Oh, that was a fantastic ending! I floved it!! The 'lovehearts' thing was soooo sweet!
I loved this and it's great that you got it all into three chapters. It really had more impact. A plot like this usually stretches on forever.
Author's Response:
I can't seem to finish long stories (AoC is proof of that) but not only that, I'm a firm believer that a lot of stories can be shortened, so all of my stories are quite short. I love love love that you loved this! Thanks so much for all your reviews. YOU ROCK! xoxo
The Cafeteria and Meadow scene from EPOV. SparkleLube meets SparklePussy. Very OOC. Anything from the Twilight Saga that can be sent up....You'll find it in here.A drabble of crackfic proportions.
Categories: Books and Literature > Twilight
Characters: Edward Cullen
Genre 1: Crackfic
Genre 2: None
Type of Humour: None
Series: None
Chapters: 8 Table of Contents
Completed: No Word count: 1874 Read Count: 109
Date: Jun 22, 2011 Title: Chapter 1: Ch 1 : Here Comes the Brood Again
Hahaha, very funny. I love a good piss-take ;)
Author's Response:
Thanks for the review!! xx
Edward Cullen was done with cons until Marcus Volturi pulled him back in for one last job with his new front man, Bella Swan. Edward wants out for good but in a world based on deceit, who can he trust? AH BxE possible lemons if they don't kill each other first.
(banny by Ryden Dirtay)
Categories: Books and Literature > Twilight
Characters: Bella Swan, Edward Cullen
Genre 1: Drama, Mystery, Romance
Genre 2: Humour
Type of Humour: None
Series: None
Chapters: 24 Table of Contents
Completed: Yes Word count: 141798 Read Count: 392
Date: Sep 27, 2011 Title: Chapter 1: Prologue ~ Back to the Future
How this fic has no reviews I will never know!!
Bella eats nuts on a plane, then finds herself in a town with way too many goodlooking people. Short chapters. Very OOC Edward and Bella. Basic taking the mickey out of Twilight Book/Movie crackfic.
Thank you Mandy for your wonderful banner!
Categories: Books and Literature > Twilight
Characters: Bella Swan, Edward Cullen
Genre 1: Crackfic
Genre 2: None
Type of Humour: None
Series: None
Chapters: 27 Table of Contents
Completed: No Word count: 35496 Read Count: 97
Date: Oct 24, 2011 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1 - Eating Nuts
LOL @ Dunkin Donuts.
Looking forward to reading this. It's been on my TBR list for a while. :)
Date: Oct 24, 2011 Title: Chapter 2: Chapter 2 - Purple's Cool
"Purple's cool…it'll match the bruise that's now forming on my broad forehead," I said, looking at my bed, knowing that my feet would hang over the edge. Yeah, I was an Amazon, but my six feet five frame was nothing compared to my thick ankles. I was a bit overweight too, but carried it well and as I stood there, towering over my much shorter father, pricking my finger on the cactus I didn't realise I was holding in my gargantuan hand, all I wanted was to be alone so I could watch all four seasons roll by in one song.
Oh, she sounds a treat! Broad forehead, cankles and huge hands. Every mans dream ;)