When Private Eye Edward Cullen decides to investigate the "accidental death" of an old friend, he finds more people are involved then he originally theorized as the case takes twists & turns he never saw coming after Bella Swan arrives in town. AH, BxE
Edward Cullen ~ Dick for Hire
Offering Professional Private Investigative Services
Including but not limited to
Lost items * Crime Investigation * Missing People
Cheating Spouses and Stalkers negotiable
Categories: Books and Literature > Twilight
Characters: Bella Swan, Edward Cullen
Genre 1: Crime, Romance
Genre 2: None
Type of Humour: Romantic/Sexual, Satire
Chapters: 34 Table of Contents
Completed: Yes Word count: 256544 Read Count: 2730
Date: Jan 21, 2011 Title: Chapter 1: Not Quite the Beginning, But a Good Place to Start
Lets remember how our story begun :)
" I can't even begin to explain how I loved that asshole version of Edward. You writting is so balanced. not vague and not loaded with tons of details. I liked it. I can't wait to read the rest and am excited for the time when Edward meets asshole version of Bella, if you plan to make her one. In my humble opinion, it would be great to see two lions in action and lets face it, you are good at writting assholes characters. :) "
Hey, even though I didn't no what I was talking about, it seems like I pretty much knew what I was talking about! lol
Date: Jan 21, 2011 Title: Chapter 2: Not So Very Good First Impressions
Ahaha... See... I lost it with second chapter. LMAO!
Holy shit! This is one of the most funny fanfictions I've ever read. I'm laughing my ass off here. :) You are too good! :))
A few example:
* I stopped snapping pictures at that, and beamed one huge ass motherfucking smile, because to be honest, I was having a star struck moment at that point.
- I love and love how he talks about himself. "like the motherfucker I am" kind of things I'm talking about :)
* I was like a giddy school girl for crying out loud. I'm not kidding, you could slap a skirt on me, bend my ass over and spank that motherfucker. And I'd like it.
- Oh God. Hilarious.
* being that they were the Mayor's detail and all, if I even pointed a gun at them, I'd be in jail faster than you can say 'fuck me hard'.
* I really didn't want to go to jail for punching a lady again.
- Again! and he was not even a lady! *snort.gigle*
* "My gun's bigger than your gun."-"Ha ha, Edward..."
- hahahaa... how old are you exactly Edward :)
* Rosalie jumped out of the cab of her truck and immediately started hooking my baby up for me. Emmett just sat there watching her with the most idiotic look on his face. I wanted to slap him. I think Rose did too.
- It must be sexy-as-hell-view for Emmett!
* And she was gone. Another missed opportunity by the very popular, very loved Emmett Cullen ladies and gentlemen, top of his class at the Academy… bottom of a box of rocks when it comes to romance.
- this man's sense of humor is killing me. :))
and about Swan vs. Cullen shit. that was won-der-ful. fan-fucking-tastic. hot as hell. sexy as fuck! :)) especially the back-him-up-to-the-wall-and-speak-loking-at-his-lips-a-dick-hair-away-from-them shit! ahaha... but more importantly. it was very promising. I can't even imagine what your talented ass can do with this kind of fire they both seem to have. :))
*deep.breath- sincerely, thank you very much for this story. I'm enjoying it way too much :))
Date: Jan 21, 2011 Title: Chapter 3: A Little Bit of Lovin' Goes a Long Way
Ah.. How did I love this chapter.
- All interactions between Edward and Seth which I hope to see more in future chapters.
- most waited cullen vs swan round two! :) ahh woman, you have one twisted mind. how you can be that good! all fucking fanastic details like
* I made myself comfortable and leaned against the door jamb, crossing my arms
* When she bent down at the knees and wiggled her ass I had to tilt my head to get a better look.
*when she did this sexy ass turning, body twisting move and my eyebrows shot up.
All other hilarious thing I'd like to mention.
- I love his "faster than he could say"s... This chapter's was "faster than he could say 'I'm a virgin'. I'm loving them. :))
* He was still wearing those over sized clothes and I wondered how the fuck he even walked around without tripping over his god damn shoe laces.
- I'm wondering that one myself when I see some mutherfuckers walking in oversized clothes too :))
"Yeah dude… we've been over this. Caller ID."
* a hard on for revenge.
- really? :)
* I pushed his ass away. But he just kept fucking coming back for more. Not that I could blame him, I taste pretty motherfucking good. Seriously, women tell me that shit all the time.
- I would like to read some shit like that :))
* I like this color on her, against her skin, it's...OK...we're not here to fuck the competition. Well, not like that anyway. Or at least not today… okay snap out of it!
- It's motherfucking hilarious how his train of thoughts are under control! LOL...
* Holy mother of all that is good in this world please give me a piece of Bella Swan pie.
- Yeah, please give it to him and let us watch :))
* Re-group Cullen. RE...motherfucking...group. Christ.
- I blame you. I blame you hard. Because of that one line, I had to laugh my ass off and gain some dirty looks from the ones around me. Fuck off mutherfuckers. You would laugh your asses off too if you read what I read and had the right receptors for good sense of humor.
* I said very matter of factly. Very Tom Cruise from A Few Good Men.
- Ahahaha.. Very Tom Cruise of Edward Cullen.. ahahah... :)
* "Fuck you Cullen!" - "Nice! Maybe not today though, I've got a date."
- son of a... sexy bitch!
* Tit for motherfucking tat, Miss Swan. And when I say 'tit' I mean, very voluptuous, very perfect tits. I thought.
- seriously! one.beautifully.and.thankfully.twisted.mind. :)
* making a mental note to spike Dr. Denali's half caff mocha cappuccino with some "take the stick out of your ass" pills and headed off for a morning of therapy Edward Cullen style.
- nice touches :))
I'm tired of laughing. What kind of fucked up shit is this? :)
You will definitely see me around soon :)
Date: Jan 21, 2011 Title: Chapter 4: Taking the Edge Off
Then, Bella is nothing less from Edward :)
I loved this chapter a lot...
* Oh man I hated lying to him, but in my mind, it was better than saying 'No dad, see, I hate Forks and for all I care I will never set foot on that soil again for the rest of my life'.
- No. We don't say to our dads such things. instead, we give them little pretty lies and keep them happy :)
* I could hear Jake in the background trying to whisper, but he has a really loud voice, even when he's trying to be quiet. "Tell her to get his driver's license number so we can run his background,"
- Oh. How cute. I love this Jacob already.
* I threw some random description
- Such a coincidence! That... Her 'random' describtion reminds me an asshole I know from somewhere. *smirk*
* I was in love alright. In love with coming up with a way to get his ass back for that shit he just pulled in here.
* "Hi. I'm Rose."-"Hi. I'm drunk,"
* My old truck got tune ups like I got sex. Way too long between check-ups, if you know what I mean.
- nice and 'handy' information between the lines. *snicker*
* This time Rose choked on her beer and spilled it down her shirt. "What the fuck Bella? Jesus!" - "I did go to college for this you know…I'm not an idiot." AND Emmett's table and he was talking to his buddies, but was keenly aware of Rose the whole time. Excellent cop skills.
- I'm loving this unsolved sexual tension over here. Rose and Emmett kind of dancing around each other. So exciting and fun to watch. :)
* I rattled off some things that stood out to me, hussies and sisters, margaritas and men with stupid sexy grins.
- you got it bad girl. so bad...
last not. I loved how Bella rumbled about Alice. too... Oh good God. Did I tell you that I'm in love with your story. :)) and your responses to my reviews. :))
I'm laughing so hard today. :)
Date: Jan 21, 2011 Title: Chapter 5: A Little Psychotherapy Never Hurt Anyone
I'm gonna go right in it. :))
* Anyway, long story short, he broke into my office, I broke his jaw, she cried, they left together, I wacked off, and the rest is history.
- How I wish Edward was the one who did my "sum up the story you read above" homework in elementary school. *giggle*
* "Let's fuck Edward's mind until he loses all sense of reality even more so than he already has" Institute.
- oh... did I actually fell off my chair or did it feel like it. :))
* I took a nice long deep breath and answered her though. Mostly because if I didn't, I'd be in jail calling some really big motherfucker "Nancy" as I
sucked his dick for him by the end of the day.
- oh my dear God :)
* Part of me wanted to fist bump them, and part of me wanted to fist bump their fucking heads for saying that shit.
- what is it Cullen, jealous much?
* I could have retorted back at her, but that would just put me in a mood. And it might also very likely harden my dick to such astrological
proportions, as to cause me to throw her over the bar counter and fuck her brains out right there, in front of all those ass fucks so they'd know she was
m… NOT theirs.
- here it is ladies and gentlemen: man of reason fo you :)
* "Don't ever fucking get involved with women, Pup. Especially crazy, cocky, stubborn, having computer systems that can't be hacked into by perfectly
law abiding citizens women. They're nothin' but trouble."
- aahaha.. nice 'daddy' advice :))
* "Yo."-"Jazz, it's Cullen."-"Dude. Seriously."
- fuck. they are killing me with this shit and it is not even getting old :)
* Plus hard ons speak louder than logic sometimes.
- for the love of God woman... what are you doing to me? is there anyone in history who died from la
ughing so hard or am I the first candidate?
* I had to reign my traitor tongue back in and tie that motherfucker down with extra strength boat ties to keep it a safe distance from the 'fuck me' ears.
- *giggle* I would love to see that. please let us see that. I beg you, make us see that. :))
* The way her throat moved when she did it, I just wanted to wrap my hands around it gently and tilt her head back a little bit, lean in, and kiss the smart ass right out of her.
- *giggles.harder* and this one too... pretty please with a cherry between Edward fucking Cullen's teeth on top of it.
* See? I fit please and thanks into the same conversation. Tanya would be proud.
- smartass *smirk*
" mind melding" and "homing device" and "every-once-in-a-while night stand" were just hilarious :))
Date: Jan 21, 2011 Title: Chapter 6: Blood is Thicker than Tequila
OMG!!! I need to re-read this chapter. I remember a wall and some serious sexing... Aaaaah, I wanna see it again. Now it will feel so weird to see The Dick with another woman. But I remember, he didn't even come. Since when men don't come whenever they have an opportunity. LOL He was already smitten with Bella ;)
*sigh* this man giving me headaches and heartaches and all other aches. we love him for that, right? :)
the part in Lieutenant's office was too good to be true. "continuing my attempt at waking the fuck up. The aroma of his coffee made me want to
fucking hump his left leg for a sip of it." hahahahah... and... He threw the cup to the wall! Seriously. First his daughter's virginity and now poor man's
morning coffee. Give the man a break Cullen. What is wrong with you? :))
* Okay, excuse my fucking French but… What. The. Fuck?
- I had to laugh right here and made up a lame joke to my friend who gave me "what the fuck" look. :) the swan in Lieutenant's office (I cannot spell
this word for my life, oh God!) was a great surprise. I didn't see that coming and now I cannot even imagine how wonderful everything can be. They
have to work together. Means they had to be together. Means there will be hot as fuck moments. Means there will be hilarious inner dialogues. :))
* Holy… fuck me hard with those boots on, Swan. I'm begging you. Just once.
- He is beggin you Swan, just once. And after that, you'll be one who is doing begging 'just once more, please!' :)
* I would therefore be in jail faster than you can say Bella Swan smells really motherfucking good today.
- Again with the "faster than you can say..." shit. But this time, directions changed. I liked it, AGAIN! :))
* "ME… I'M the control freak? Miss, walk into my office, make my dick cry out for mercy and then leave like the little leather sporting cock tease that
you are. Fucking red fuck me heels."
- Now.. That was unexpected as fuck and sexy as hell! Wow! Smooth talker much?
* "Charm the pants off of unsuspecting women?"
- now, Bella has seen Edward in aaction. It will be hard for her to resist him. Especially when he discovers that all those tricks work on her, too. :)
* "I think your face is beautiful… the rest of you…" I eyed her down and back up again. "Has yet to be seen."
- Son of a... Motherf... God damn it, this man! :))
* Attention all passengers, I'm gonna need you to put your seat belts on, we're getting ready for some major fucking turbulence headed our way.
- can't wait! :))
a few quickies... "staring right at Eddie Junior" part was so so good. poor Bella got caught. "the car fuck" comment was lie dirty talking foreplay. and HOT.AS.FUCK. "She's multi talented. Much like you my fine feathered tiny dancer" Really... You wanna start with nickname shit. Because I'm a big, I mean huge as Dickward's some body parts, fan of nicknaming institue... That's why I love Sawyer from Lost. :)) and for God's sake, the fight part was hot or what? I'm glad Edward rewarded with watching Swan's ass a little bit.. And oh.. with that smirk of his... Fucker! :))
btw, I forget to tell you something in the last review. you CAN write smut woman. even if it is non-couple. You killed me with it. You are committing crime repeatedly these days. :))
Date: Jan 21, 2011 Title: Chapter 7: Assessing the Situation
I fucking love Dr.Hot.As.Fuck.Carlisle.Cullen's honorings, always! Since the movie... :))
*Every time he said Cullen's name like that, I wanted to say it too. Hear it in my own voice, whisper it, hum it.
- Aw... how sweet is that?
* "He said you're a stubborn ass and that you should have come in to see him your damn self." I snapped, arching an eyebrow at him.
- ahahahah I love this woman.
* "You want me." - "Fuck you." - "Right now?
- al those sexual innuendos in the car... are you fucking trying to kill me woman? Seriously. You got it. You can stop it now. (oh pretty please do not! :)
* I just wanna fucking pick her tiny ass up, put her in my jacket pocket and take her home with me. Then maybe fuck the shit out of her a few times a night.
- ahah.. sick bastard. :))
* She closed her eyes and made a humming sound that made me wanna fucking pull over right there, recline her seat and show her just how much fucking room this car had after all.
- it's... just... he won't stop coming up with new ideas, right?
* I think Eddy Jr. wanted desperately to come out and play with those lips because he was a knock knock knockin' on Heaven's door all of a sudden.
- dine shit... abso-fucking-lutely wonderful. nicely built sexual tension... with all Cullen Flirting vs. Swan Sweating :)) And... Guns'n Roses rocks!
- first interaction with Texas charm in all his naked glory... nice! :)
* "…not to mention, I'm sporting a permanent fucking hard on for said partner because not only can she not keep her mouth shut, but she happens to be quite god damn sexy at the same time that she's annoying as hell…"
- Huston. We've got a problem. World doesn't seem to have enough air to breathe properly. Huston... Huston? Fuck you Huston.
* the kiss... ...fucking fuckery fuck!
- Huston. Don't bother. I'm dead already.
Date: Jan 21, 2011 Title: Chapter 8: I See Dead People
what the fuck is a pterodactyl is? I had to google that shit you know :)
'heaven' touch was no nicely done. :)
1. I laughed my ass out parts :
* I tried to look at the clock on the wall, but there were three of them and they all said a different time on them.
* I laughed. Well. I tried to laugh. Every centimeter that my body moved, or even thought about moving, my head vibrated with the pain of a thousand fucking little munchkins banging their doldrums into it.
* "Ya got that right Mr. I am the law." - "Yeah, well someone has to be the law when their brother thinks he's Steven Seagal."
* Dear students, dick twitching 101 has been scrapped today for a more advanced class of dick drilling, which may or may not cause permanent damage if conducted improperly.
* Soldiers! At arms! - Ready! - Aim! - Fire!
2. I can't fucking breathe parts
* best use of fucking sexual implications'
* the whole ravioli shit
* I think I fucking like hearing you beg Swan, shit, that's hot. Do it again.
And, I didn't how "See ya round" sound. I'm a scared motherfucker like that. Please don't give us ass long separations. Pretty pretty pretty please.
Date: Jan 21, 2011 Title: Chapter 9: I'm Batman
I'm Batman means so much more now!!!!!!!!!! You had an evil plan to turn my life upside down, didn't you? You gave me little doses of supernatural. With two and a half words tittles. And BAM! I'm addicted to another fictional character...s...... Characters. LOL
I'm gonna be honest. I missed some SwanCullen interactions. I know it's coming.
The parts I laughed my ass off:
* I… am such… a slut. But a happy slut.
* There was just no way I was calling Cullen to ask him. Screw that. He'd rub that shit in my face faster than his dick could get hard. And that's pretty
* It's not like I need him in my life anyway. Him and his bad attitude, and… sexy scowls, and… overly large dick… Right?
* My fucking dick was whistling zippideedoodah all the way through my shower and breakfast.
* Pup sitting there, looking all kinds of fucking puppy dog eyed at me, wagging his tail. I furrowed my brow. "Where the fuck were you last night?" He
tilted his head at me. "I got a blow job." I smiled and wiggled my eyebrows at him. Top that. He sneezed. "Fine."
* One of the many things I really liked about Jazz, he doesn't ask a lot of fucking questions about shit. Unlike some people. Specifically, some really
annoying, determined, nosy, sexy, funny…. Excellent dick sucking people.
* Whatever the fuck her reasons were for not letting me reciprocate the night before must have been eating away at her today. No pun intended ladies and gentlemen, I'm tellin' ya, this shit just comes out of nowhere.
* See? That's the shit I'm talking about right th… Hold the fuck up, was he EYE fucking MY god damn sister?
And the last part. I'm glad that to learn some secrets but I feel like Bella did, I wanna fix him.
Do it for us please. :)
Date: Jan 21, 2011 Title: Chapter 10: Fake Celebrations & Real Family Reunions
* "Construction workers really know how to nail it"
* "Holy…" I started. "Fuck. Me." Emmett finished. The Swan and Rose had arrived... Decked. To. The. Fucking. Nines.
* "Um, excuse me?" The cop from behind me interrupted. I ignored his ass and continued giving a hard time to The Swan. Pun intended my friends.
* She glanced down to where Eddy Jr. resides and then looked me in the eyes and asked back "Do you wanna know what Eddy Jr.s doing to ME,
Cullen?" lifting an eyebrow and giving me the sexiest god damn smile I'd ever seen. *Yay! Score! Go girl!*
*"Oh… No offense taken, Em. As long as you're not offended by the fact that we make about five times what you make as… just a police officer."
* Swan, meet my fingers. Fingers, meet The Swan's hot, wet, 'completely sucking on that later' pussy.
* "What's in the courtyard?" Emmett asked. Rose slapped him in the arm. "What?" *AND* "I didn't know you and Bells were going out Edward." Emmett chimed in, and this time, Rose pulled him away from the immediate area, saying "you are such an idiot." *I love how dumb Emmett can be sometimes and how Rose handles him*
* 'fuck with Swan' time "I was actually just saying how I could pull an all nighter if I had to."
* "It's no problem at all, Jakey." I punched him back in the arm. Okay, a little harder than I needed to.
Huston, ...I can't fucking breath momens!
* I bent down a little to whisper into her ear when I answered her, still leaning on the bar. "Because he probably doesn't smell as good as you… and I'm
pretty sure he doesn't give the best blow jobs this side of the continent."
* Her voice was soothing, and then I felt her hand on my arm and part of me could suddenly identify with how mom had the effect on dad that she did. * ah. that.was.nice.*
* the whole courtyard shit. what the fuck woman! :)
I'm so happy to see some progress between Edward and Emmett. *sigh*
I'm happier about the fuck that Charlie and Jack is in town. Let the fuckery begin.
Date: Jan 21, 2011 Title: Chapter 11: You Say Sabotage Like That's a Bad Thing
The time edward and Emmett spent together was maybe the sweetest part of all the chapters. I wish Esme could see them like that. It warmed my heart. *sigh*
* un-freaking-re-creatable. **oh yeah. I feel for you sista! :)**
* "Mean man. I'm here on an independent investigation regarding your robbery." (mean mean... ahaha.. seriosuly! :)) )
* "How am I cheating when I don't even know what the fuck I'm doing, Em?"
* The friendly neighborhood Gargoyle
* One hand held on to her, wrapping around to her back, clinging her to my body tightly as I felt along the wall with my other hand until I found the panel of buttons again and pushed one of them, causing the doors to open again. (son of a bitch! He is egging Jake on :) )
* "Please don't, tell her I said anything. She'll be angry and quite honestly, she scares me when she's angry." (And right there, I fell off my chair :) )
Huston...*choke*...can't breathe part.
* elevator... fucking elevators. they are not the same anymore and will never be the same again. :)
p.s. his manhandling comment was below the belt but whatever. he is dickward for a reason. :)
p.p.s. Berrah, how the man whose store got rubbed called Bella, is a Turkish name for girls :))
Date: Jan 21, 2011 Title: Chapter 12: Devil in the Blue Lace Undies
you made my night brighter with that shit and I laughed my ass off through it :))
* you don't wanna fuck with a god damn priest when you're already on your way to hell.
* I've lived through other dicks being enormous dicks, that's makes my dickery okay.
* "Yeah, you're an official employee of Edward Cullen, the dick."
* "Who is this?" - "Fuck. you." - "In front of the BFF? Or no."
* He grabbed my arm and I didn't see this shit ending well. I turned and eyed him and got a flash of how The Swan must feel when people did that shit to her, including yours truly, because I wanted to deck the fucker for touching me.
* "Just curious, when are you planning on ceasing and desisting of the little 12 year old 'I like you so I'm gonna pull your pig tails' shit with Bella?"
* "I'll pass a note to Emmett later with my answer and another question that you can circle yes or no to."
* "Stop staring at Ashley, she's shy." Yeah, right.
* big bears that were supposedly killing hikers in the woods around town.
* if Cullen was out there, well, he could kiss my ass. Literally.
* We decided to pretend the yellow Police tape marking a big "X" across her doorway was just holiday decorations.
* "Put it down Cullen." I'm trying, Swan.
Date: Jan 21, 2011 Title: Chapter 13: Beedee's Essum
Is this my review for my all time favorite chapter? What the fuck happened here?
Mother of.. Fucking.. Son of a... God damn it!
I take back everyting I said about this story earlier. I have to... Because I used all of my words and there is nothing left to describe the per-god-damn-mother-fucking-fection in this chapter. Holy fuck woman. Holy mother fucking fuck!
Date: Jan 21, 2011 Title: Chapter 14: Basking in the Fucking Afterglow
I remember giving up on figuring it all out. I had a good laugh writing this review and you thought I started to hate it. LOL
I think Emmett killed Jess. Rose buried her. Alice saw this vision. Jasper unburied Jess. Esme cleaned her up. Carlisle turned her into a vampire. Jess wanted to bite Edward. The Mayor said 'no, no undead dickwards'. Aro laughed and asked the Mayor out. He agreed on one condition. He wanted Newton to join them. So they decided to join a BDSM party. Red headed Mack called Demetri and asked for alcohol back up. Demetri said "chief swan made me pouring all alcohol down the sink" James said "dates without alcohol don't count." So everybody decided to go their own way. End of the story.
For the love of all morning-after-fucks woman! If you keep killing my buzz, when-fucking-ever I have a 'A-ha!' moment and come up with a new theory, by turning it out to be a false one, that's what I'm gonna do, dude. Just saying. No hurt feelings afterwards!
p.s."faster than I could make The Swan cum" nice one :)
Date: Jan 21, 2011 Title: Chapter 15: Dirty Deeds & Damming Evidence
- you are good. I didn't see 'edward being suspicious of bella' thing coming but it is good.
- newton date could be another nice and exciting part of the story. it will be fun to watch edward bella and newton in that party watching. he can even fuck her there just for fun.
- sweet tits and the kid thing is all mystery. we'll see :))
Date: Jan 21, 2011 Title: Chapter 16: Bar Fights & The Brothers Grimm
Ahaha... I think I figured this out. Probably, at this point, it was weekend and you were not responding my reviews and I took it as you are not interested anymore and reduced my words into two sentences... LMAO! I'm easy like that.
Did I know Dickward or what? I said he would fuck her but didn't add the finger part. :)
That shit is getting more and more difficult to figure out somehow.
Date: Jan 21, 2011 Title: Chapter 17: Sex, Lies & Anger Management
Oh wait... THIS is my all time favorite chapter! With the gun and anger and "Are you fucking with me Swan" craziness. Ahh... good times.
The 'I'm angry with you and can fuck the living day lights out of you' sex was for God's sake one of the fucking sexiest thing I've ever read. Oh, fuck that. It was most probably the most sexiest shit I've ever read. So... Ohh.. BTW... I was waiting for that 'angry' thing from the start. but the thing came after that. I was not ready for that love making like shit... *sigh* you've got me!
Date: Jan 21, 2011 Title: Chapter 18: Declarations of a Fucked Up Nature
Do you even know where you are going with shit? It's all new questions and so god damn little answers... Like LOST or something.. *sigh* I'm afraid I don't have enough brain cells to follow it through..
Date: Jan 21, 2011 Title: Chapter 19: Edward Cullen, This is Your Life
Oh, yes... Their relationship was so strained. I forgot about it.
*sigh* I cannot understand Carlisle. Does it mean nothing to him the fact that his son is happy with what-fucking-ever he does. Why insiting on joinning to the force. puuf.. Anyway. I love between the line realizations by the way :)
Date: Jan 21, 2011 Title: Chapter 20: Another Day, Another Death Threat
Shit... Shit.. Shit!
It's motherfucker Mayor's plan.. I remember the bill for guns Edward saw in the picture of mayor and lauren. shit. I hate when edward and bella are apart.
did you seriously think I could fucking stop reading this story. did you ever read what I've been talking about. I'm dying here for your story. If you did block me or something and prevent me from reading it, I would get a fake ID and still find a way to read it. I love you BB.
Date: Jan 21, 2011 Title: Chapter 21: The Sacrificial Swan
I don't care about explosions or other shit. I'm just glad that they are together! Let me tell you this again, you are brilliant! :))
Date: Jan 21, 2011 Title: Chapter 22: Please & Thank You
Stupid, thick headed, motherfucking Cullen! I hate when they do push the loved ones away "you are better off withouth me".. ok, I know.. maybe he is right but who cares. did he realy belive that Swan would listen to his advice and just go back to Forks... Very unlikely... anyway. As you guess, I'm pissed. But... there is no person I love more than Seth right fucking now! :))
Date: Jan 21, 2011 Title: Chapter 23: Confessions of a Fucking Psychopath
Fucking fuck! I love how smart and loving he is. and I'm glad they finally said it!
Even in this shit storm, it was sweet and all dickward style... decleration love like scolding a stubborn child. Fan-fucking-tastic. :)
Love you babe. I can't believe I am going to need to from now on... :)
Date: Jan 21, 2011 Title: Chapter 24: Miscalculations & Misguided Intentions
I furrowed my eyebrows at him, wondering what in the world he was up to, but he didn't break his expression as he put his hand up to the crease in my forehead, smoothing it out for me as he continued to listen to Emmett again.
When he stopped kissing me, his lips moved to my forehead and they remained there for a fraction longer than they might normally have before he put them to my ear and whispered, "I love you."
Those parts broke my heart so bad. This sweetness is so unexpected from Dickward and everythime I saw it, I wanna "aw" :)
Date: Jan 21, 2011 Title: Chapter 25: Today Was a Good Day to Die
Oh dear God Jo... You have one... What kind of brain you have woman? It can't be made of the same material as mine, right? Because, shit. I like never ever "see the shit coming"...Now.. Wow.. What can I say? It's a crime to write that brilliantly and not write. So, I'm glad you are not commiting crime. Ahh and how I love you! :))
"Red. Long time no fucking put a bullet in your head." haha-motherfucking-haha... :):):):) cullen is back in full force.