I was re-born with the soul of an ancient blues guitarist in an abandoned 1948 Greyhound Senicruiser bus outside Parchman Farm, Mississippi. Christened Hambone Ophelia by a far-out dude in a dashiki and a Chicago Bears cap, I left the safety and relative luxury of my childhood home for the county crossroads where I pawned my drudic soul to a guy called Newton in exchange for the ability to write Twilight fanfiction.

Team Cope, baby.