Date: Oct 08, 2012 05:15 AM Title: Not Quite the Beginning, But a Good Place to Start
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Date: Jan 21, 2011 05:30 AM Title: The New World Motherfucking Order of Edward Cullen
That was a fantastic journey! It was wonderful to remember. And guess what. I love you! :)
you made me "what!" with 'rougly nine and a half months later' thing. thank God it was Em and Rose and not Cullen and Swan. :) I was expecting to be sadder as reading epilogue but I was not. Last chapter's depression (not chapter's, mine while I was reading it) taught me a lesson and I tried to let it go and enjoyed the epilogue and you know what. It helped. It was nice to hear tiny information bits of their lives. Like Swan's 'honey do's' or their sunday styles or Seth's karate lessons. When I read an epilogue, I take look at their lives. A wide-angled look :) if you know what I mean. and you gave it to me.
My 'I'm definitely using this shit' list. (more added to skilzz :) )
- "Pretty please with motherfucking sugar on top?"
* A very Cullen way to be polite :))
* For the love of God, who says 'A soft on'? Apparently Cullen... hahaha
The parts made me want to bottle up that man's sense of humor and swallow it whole'
- "...it's no longer run of the mill, but rather, run your fucking ass off until the goddamn case is closed."
- "Well, we could adjust 'em and put 'Dick and Pussy for Hire' that would probably pull in a lotta fucking business." hahahha, fucker. :)
- What can I say, like owner like Pup.
- Mother of messy ass break-ins by someone who was gonna get their ass kicked for fuckin' with my shit.
- The truck was really only used mainly for hauling shit around these days. Until I could manage to make it mysteriously die, that is. ahahahhaa... an hilarious way to day for a truck :)
- They had been expecting to go at least another week before they needed to worry about their little runt making its way into the world, but as with just about every other fucking thing in our lives, the unexpected had stopped by to say hey...and to tell us to go fuck ourselves.
- One night after Bella and I had seen a movie with the two of them, I'd told Leah to be sure and keep an eye out for GPS tracking devices on her cell phone and she looked at me cockeyed but Jake just laughed and Bella slapped my arm.
And my precious "aw Cullen, are you romantic or what?" part, aahh, I love it :)
- I took a few strands of that hair and pushed them out of her face, behind her ear, because anything that was blocking my view of the delicious goddamn chocolate eyes I loved to look into, was breaking some serious cardinal laws in my motherfucking opinion. *sigh*
When I say IMMO instead of IMHO, please don't look at with unfocused eyes. You are the godmother of this phrase, I'm gonna so use it. :)
Ah. I can't believe...fuck. I promised that I was not gonna weep like a little baby over here. But I want to. Oh God. There must be a way to express your feeling without burdening another person. I'm gonna go and try to find that way. If I can't... I'm just come to the thread and bawl in the thread.
Love you hard and long.
Date: Jan 21, 2011 05:29 AM Title: Here's Lookin' at You, Kid
I don't know why, it was a really sad chapter for me. First, Swan was MIA and I didn't fucking get it till Alice told Edward "She'll call you." I was like "oh right, Seth." what made me to put pieces together in that moment I don't know but till that part, I was already depressed. You know, Cullen was shot, lying in a hospital bed and Swan was not with her. This shit was wrong and made me so sad. But then, she explained why she left with Seth. To be his familiar face. Yes, that was so sweet but again, I couldn't shook off that heavy gray emotion.
I loved the way you wrapped up Jess issue in Tanya's session. It was her mistake. That kind of perspective helped Cullen to let the guilt go. Give him a goddamn chance to see that he deserves happiness. Happiness with Swan. Happiness with Seth. Happiness with his family. Happy with life itself.
Another thing I loved and muttered 'genious' is the part where Cullen explains both his and Emmett's bullets killed Newton and this made his bond with Emmett stronger. That was fucking nice to read. You made lots of healing in this chapter and none of them felt empty. All was beautifully built and I could see where all are coming from.
My first 'I'm so gonna frame this shit' from this chapter is "Typically, when someone leaves another someone that they supposedly fucking love, that someone might wanna, oh, I don't know, fucking explain why they're leaving." I laughed my ass off right there :)) I loved Swan's return in all her lock breaking glory. LOL and the moment Seth said "Hey, Edward" with his big goofy smile, I could run and hug him. This kid is so lovely. I love him dearly.
One more 'I loved' :)
I loved it when Swan was being Swan and Cullen was being Cullen. Cullen took Swan to the bedroom, their bedroom :), and she started with "how could you"s... And well!.. after that, Cullen started with You think it's hot. You wanna do the wounded guy, don't ya"s. Geez! The man just does not stop! And lets admit it. It's kinda hot! :)
"I'm gonna fucking frame this shit" number two; "And for the record, I'm only one more official gun pointing away before we're fucking even, Swan...in case you've forgotten." This guy is so smart for his own good.*sigh*
The "mine" speech and "that goes both ways, you know right" retort was so sweetly hot. "'cause I missed that little fucker." was hilarous. And there are a few parts made me think you are leaving an open window for the time if/when you decide to right a sequel. Like, James and Aro are still missing. The partnership speech. the family feeling Cullen caught. I don't know. Maybe I'm reading so much between the lines just because I fucking want it but. I am just sayin'.
Jo. My darlin'. You fucking own me with this story. I'm bowing my head before your talented ass. Love you!
Date: Jan 21, 2011 05:28 AM Title: Meet My Friend Karma, The Bitch
1. I love you.
2. Is Seth adorable or what?
3. I'm so glad Edward shot Newton's ugly ass.
4. Thank you for giving Cullen a nice cover for shooting Newton's ugly ass.
5. You break my heart so bad by making Edward think that there was pain in his heart because of Swan's eyes. Shit. You got shot man.
6. I know you'll let it go bad after that and glad for that.
7. I love you, or what? :)
Date: Jan 21, 2011 05:27 AM Title: Today Was a Good Day to Die
Oh dear God Jo... You have one... What kind of brain you have woman? It can't be made of the same material as mine, right? Because, shit. I like never ever "see the shit coming"...Now.. Wow.. What can I say? It's a crime to write that brilliantly and not write. So, I'm glad you are not commiting crime. Ahh and how I love you! :))
"Red. Long time no fucking put a bullet in your head." haha-motherfucking-haha... :):):):) cullen is back in full force.
Date: Jan 21, 2011 05:27 AM Title: Miscalculations & Misguided Intentions
I furrowed my eyebrows at him, wondering what in the world he was up to, but he didn't break his expression as he put his hand up to the crease in my forehead, smoothing it out for me as he continued to listen to Emmett again.
When he stopped kissing me, his lips moved to my forehead and they remained there for a fraction longer than they might normally have before he put them to my ear and whispered, "I love you."
Those parts broke my heart so bad. This sweetness is so unexpected from Dickward and everythime I saw it, I wanna "aw" :)
Date: Jan 21, 2011 05:27 AM Title: Confessions of a Fucking Psychopath
Fucking fuck! I love how smart and loving he is. and I'm glad they finally said it!
Even in this shit storm, it was sweet and all dickward style... decleration love like scolding a stubborn child. Fan-fucking-tastic. :)
Love you babe. I can't believe I am going to need to from now on... :)
Date: Jan 21, 2011 05:26 AM Title: Please & Thank You
Stupid, thick headed, motherfucking Cullen! I hate when they do push the loved ones away "you are better off withouth me".. ok, I know.. maybe he is right but who cares. did he realy belive that Swan would listen to his advice and just go back to Forks... Very unlikely... anyway. As you guess, I'm pissed. But... there is no person I love more than Seth right fucking now! :))
Date: Jan 21, 2011 05:25 AM Title: Another Day, Another Death Threat
Shit... Shit.. Shit!
It's motherfucker Mayor's plan.. I remember the bill for guns Edward saw in the picture of mayor and lauren. shit. I hate when edward and bella are apart.
did you seriously think I could fucking stop reading this story. did you ever read what I've been talking about. I'm dying here for your story. If you did block me or something and prevent me from reading it, I would get a fake ID and still find a way to read it. I love you BB.
Date: Jan 21, 2011 05:25 AM Title: Edward Cullen, This is Your Life
Oh, yes... Their relationship was so strained. I forgot about it.
*sigh* I cannot understand Carlisle. Does it mean nothing to him the fact that his son is happy with what-fucking-ever he does. Why insiting on joinning to the force. puuf.. Anyway. I love between the line realizations by the way :)
Date: Jan 21, 2011 05:24 AM Title: Declarations of a Fucked Up Nature
Do you even know where you are going with shit? It's all new questions and so god damn little answers... Like LOST or something.. *sigh* I'm afraid I don't have enough brain cells to follow it through..
Date: Jan 21, 2011 05:24 AM Title: Sex, Lies & Anger Management
Oh wait... THIS is my all time favorite chapter! With the gun and anger and "Are you fucking with me Swan" craziness. Ahh... good times.
The 'I'm angry with you and can fuck the living day lights out of you' sex was for God's sake one of the fucking sexiest thing I've ever read. Oh, fuck that. It was most probably the most sexiest shit I've ever read. So... Ohh.. BTW... I was waiting for that 'angry' thing from the start. but the thing came after that. I was not ready for that love making like shit... *sigh* you've got me!
Date: Jan 21, 2011 05:23 AM Title: Bar Fights & The Brothers Grimm
Ahaha... I think I figured this out. Probably, at this point, it was weekend and you were not responding my reviews and I took it as you are not interested anymore and reduced my words into two sentences... LMAO! I'm easy like that.
Did I know Dickward or what? I said he would fuck her but didn't add the finger part. :)
That shit is getting more and more difficult to figure out somehow.
Date: Jan 21, 2011 05:22 AM Title: Dirty Deeds & Damming Evidence
- you are good. I didn't see 'edward being suspicious of bella' thing coming but it is good.
- newton date could be another nice and exciting part of the story. it will be fun to watch edward bella and newton in that party watching. he can even fuck her there just for fun.
- sweet tits and the kid thing is all mystery. we'll see :))
Date: Jan 21, 2011 05:21 AM Title: Basking in the Fucking Afterglow
I remember giving up on figuring it all out. I had a good laugh writing this review and you thought I started to hate it. LOL
I think Emmett killed Jess. Rose buried her. Alice saw this vision. Jasper unburied Jess. Esme cleaned her up. Carlisle turned her into a vampire. Jess wanted to bite Edward. The Mayor said 'no, no undead dickwards'. Aro laughed and asked the Mayor out. He agreed on one condition. He wanted Newton to join them. So they decided to join a BDSM party. Red headed Mack called Demetri and asked for alcohol back up. Demetri said "chief swan made me pouring all alcohol down the sink" James said "dates without alcohol don't count." So everybody decided to go their own way. End of the story.
For the love of all morning-after-fucks woman! If you keep killing my buzz, when-fucking-ever I have a 'A-ha!' moment and come up with a new theory, by turning it out to be a false one, that's what I'm gonna do, dude. Just saying. No hurt feelings afterwards!
p.s."faster than I could make The Swan cum" nice one :)
Date: Jan 21, 2011 05:19 AM Title: Beedee's Essum
Is this my review for my all time favorite chapter? What the fuck happened here?
Mother of.. Fucking.. Son of a... God damn it!
I take back everyting I said about this story earlier. I have to... Because I used all of my words and there is nothing left to describe the per-god-damn-mother-fucking-fection in this chapter. Holy fuck woman. Holy mother fucking fuck!
Date: Jan 21, 2011 05:18 AM Title: Devil in the Blue Lace Undies
you made my night brighter with that shit and I laughed my ass off through it :))
* you don't wanna fuck with a god damn priest when you're already on your way to hell.
* I've lived through other dicks being enormous dicks, that's makes my dickery okay.
* "Yeah, you're an official employee of Edward Cullen, the dick."
* "Who is this?" - "Fuck. you." - "In front of the BFF? Or no."
* He grabbed my arm and I didn't see this shit ending well. I turned and eyed him and got a flash of how The Swan must feel when people did that shit to her, including yours truly, because I wanted to deck the fucker for touching me.
* "Just curious, when are you planning on ceasing and desisting of the little 12 year old 'I like you so I'm gonna pull your pig tails' shit with Bella?"
* "I'll pass a note to Emmett later with my answer and another question that you can circle yes or no to."
* "Stop staring at Ashley, she's shy." Yeah, right.
* big bears that were supposedly killing hikers in the woods around town.
* if Cullen was out there, well, he could kiss my ass. Literally.
* We decided to pretend the yellow Police tape marking a big "X" across her doorway was just holiday decorations.
* "Put it down Cullen." I'm trying, Swan.
Date: Jan 21, 2011 05:17 AM Title: You Say Sabotage Like That's a Bad Thing
The time edward and Emmett spent together was maybe the sweetest part of all the chapters. I wish Esme could see them like that. It warmed my heart. *sigh*
* un-freaking-re-creatable. **oh yeah. I feel for you sista! :)**
* "Mean man. I'm here on an independent investigation regarding your robbery." (mean mean... ahaha.. seriosuly! :)) )
* "How am I cheating when I don't even know what the fuck I'm doing, Em?"
* The friendly neighborhood Gargoyle
* One hand held on to her, wrapping around to her back, clinging her to my body tightly as I felt along the wall with my other hand until I found the panel of buttons again and pushed one of them, causing the doors to open again. (son of a bitch! He is egging Jake on :) )
* "Please don't, tell her I said anything. She'll be angry and quite honestly, she scares me when she's angry." (And right there, I fell off my chair :) )
Huston...*choke*...can't breathe part.
* elevator... fucking elevators. they are not the same anymore and will never be the same again. :)
p.s. his manhandling comment was below the belt but whatever. he is dickward for a reason. :)
p.p.s. Berrah, how the man whose store got rubbed called Bella, is a Turkish name for girls :))
Date: Jan 21, 2011 05:17 AM Title: Fake Celebrations & Real Family Reunions
* "Construction workers really know how to nail it"
* "Holy…" I started. "Fuck. Me." Emmett finished. The Swan and Rose had arrived... Decked. To. The. Fucking. Nines.
* "Um, excuse me?" The cop from behind me interrupted. I ignored his ass and continued giving a hard time to The Swan. Pun intended my friends.
* She glanced down to where Eddy Jr. resides and then looked me in the eyes and asked back "Do you wanna know what Eddy Jr.s doing to ME,
Cullen?" lifting an eyebrow and giving me the sexiest god damn smile I'd ever seen. *Yay! Score! Go girl!*
*"Oh… No offense taken, Em. As long as you're not offended by the fact that we make about five times what you make as… just a police officer."
* Swan, meet my fingers. Fingers, meet The Swan's hot, wet, 'completely sucking on that later' pussy.
* "What's in the courtyard?" Emmett asked. Rose slapped him in the arm. "What?" *AND* "I didn't know you and Bells were going out Edward." Emmett chimed in, and this time, Rose pulled him away from the immediate area, saying "you are such an idiot." *I love how dumb Emmett can be sometimes and how Rose handles him*
* 'fuck with Swan' time "I was actually just saying how I could pull an all nighter if I had to."
* "It's no problem at all, Jakey." I punched him back in the arm. Okay, a little harder than I needed to.
Huston, ...I can't fucking breath momens!
* I bent down a little to whisper into her ear when I answered her, still leaning on the bar. "Because he probably doesn't smell as good as you… and I'm
pretty sure he doesn't give the best blow jobs this side of the continent."
* Her voice was soothing, and then I felt her hand on my arm and part of me could suddenly identify with how mom had the effect on dad that she did. * ah. that.was.nice.*
* the whole courtyard shit. what the fuck woman! :)
I'm so happy to see some progress between Edward and Emmett. *sigh*
I'm happier about the fuck that Charlie and Jack is in town. Let the fuckery begin.
Date: Jan 21, 2011 05:16 AM Title: I'm Batman
I'm Batman means so much more now!!!!!!!!!! You had an evil plan to turn my life upside down, didn't you? You gave me little doses of supernatural. With two and a half words tittles. And BAM! I'm addicted to another fictional character...s...... Characters. LOL
I'm gonna be honest. I missed some SwanCullen interactions. I know it's coming.
The parts I laughed my ass off:
* I… am such… a slut. But a happy slut.
* There was just no way I was calling Cullen to ask him. Screw that. He'd rub that shit in my face faster than his dick could get hard. And that's pretty
* It's not like I need him in my life anyway. Him and his bad attitude, and… sexy scowls, and… overly large dick… Right?
* My fucking dick was whistling zippideedoodah all the way through my shower and breakfast.
* Pup sitting there, looking all kinds of fucking puppy dog eyed at me, wagging his tail. I furrowed my brow. "Where the fuck were you last night?" He
tilted his head at me. "I got a blow job." I smiled and wiggled my eyebrows at him. Top that. He sneezed. "Fine."
* One of the many things I really liked about Jazz, he doesn't ask a lot of fucking questions about shit. Unlike some people. Specifically, some really
annoying, determined, nosy, sexy, funny…. Excellent dick sucking people.
* Whatever the fuck her reasons were for not letting me reciprocate the night before must have been eating away at her today. No pun intended ladies and gentlemen, I'm tellin' ya, this shit just comes out of nowhere.
* See? That's the shit I'm talking about right th… Hold the fuck up, was he EYE fucking MY god damn sister?
And the last part. I'm glad that to learn some secrets but I feel like Bella did, I wanna fix him.
Do it for us please. :)
Date: Jan 21, 2011 05:14 AM Title: I See Dead People
what the fuck is a pterodactyl is? I had to google that shit you know :)
'heaven' touch was no nicely done. :)
1. I laughed my ass out parts :
* I tried to look at the clock on the wall, but there were three of them and they all said a different time on them.
* I laughed. Well. I tried to laugh. Every centimeter that my body moved, or even thought about moving, my head vibrated with the pain of a thousand fucking little munchkins banging their doldrums into it.
* "Ya got that right Mr. I am the law." - "Yeah, well someone has to be the law when their brother thinks he's Steven Seagal."
* Dear students, dick twitching 101 has been scrapped today for a more advanced class of dick drilling, which may or may not cause permanent damage if conducted improperly.
* Soldiers! At arms! - Ready! - Aim! - Fire!
2. I can't fucking breathe parts
* best use of fucking sexual implications'
* the whole ravioli shit
* I think I fucking like hearing you beg Swan, shit, that's hot. Do it again.
And, I didn't how "See ya round" sound. I'm a scared motherfucker like that. Please don't give us ass long separations. Pretty pretty pretty please.
Date: Jan 21, 2011 05:12 AM Title: Assessing the Situation
I fucking love Dr.Hot.As.Fuck.Carlisle.Cullen's honorings, always! Since the movie... :))
*Every time he said Cullen's name like that, I wanted to say it too. Hear it in my own voice, whisper it, hum it.
- Aw... how sweet is that?
* "He said you're a stubborn ass and that you should have come in to see him your damn self." I snapped, arching an eyebrow at him.
- ahahahah I love this woman.
* "You want me." - "Fuck you." - "Right now?
- al those sexual innuendos in the car... are you fucking trying to kill me woman? Seriously. You got it. You can stop it now. (oh pretty please do not! :)
* I just wanna fucking pick her tiny ass up, put her in my jacket pocket and take her home with me. Then maybe fuck the shit out of her a few times a night.
- ahah.. sick bastard. :))
* She closed her eyes and made a humming sound that made me wanna fucking pull over right there, recline her seat and show her just how much fucking room this car had after all.
- it's... just... he won't stop coming up with new ideas, right?
* I think Eddy Jr. wanted desperately to come out and play with those lips because he was a knock knock knockin' on Heaven's door all of a sudden.
- dine shit... abso-fucking-lutely wonderful. nicely built sexual tension... with all Cullen Flirting vs. Swan Sweating :)) And... Guns'n Roses rocks!
- first interaction with Texas charm in all his naked glory... nice! :)
* "…not to mention, I'm sporting a permanent fucking hard on for said partner because not only can she not keep her mouth shut, but she happens to be quite god damn sexy at the same time that she's annoying as hell…"
- Huston. We've got a problem. World doesn't seem to have enough air to breathe properly. Huston... Huston? Fuck you Huston.
* the kiss... ...fucking fuckery fuck!
- Huston. Don't bother. I'm dead already.
Date: Jan 21, 2011 05:10 AM Title: Blood is Thicker than Tequila
OMG!!! I need to re-read this chapter. I remember a wall and some serious sexing... Aaaaah, I wanna see it again. Now it will feel so weird to see The Dick with another woman. But I remember, he didn't even come. Since when men don't come whenever they have an opportunity. LOL He was already smitten with Bella ;)
*sigh* this man giving me headaches and heartaches and all other aches. we love him for that, right? :)
the part in Lieutenant's office was too good to be true. "continuing my attempt at waking the fuck up. The aroma of his coffee made me want to
fucking hump his left leg for a sip of it." hahahahah... and... He threw the cup to the wall! Seriously. First his daughter's virginity and now poor man's
morning coffee. Give the man a break Cullen. What is wrong with you? :))
* Okay, excuse my fucking French but… What. The. Fuck?
- I had to laugh right here and made up a lame joke to my friend who gave me "what the fuck" look. :) the swan in Lieutenant's office (I cannot spell
this word for my life, oh God!) was a great surprise. I didn't see that coming and now I cannot even imagine how wonderful everything can be. They
have to work together. Means they had to be together. Means there will be hot as fuck moments. Means there will be hilarious inner dialogues. :))
* Holy… fuck me hard with those boots on, Swan. I'm begging you. Just once.
- He is beggin you Swan, just once. And after that, you'll be one who is doing begging 'just once more, please!' :)
* I would therefore be in jail faster than you can say Bella Swan smells really motherfucking good today.
- Again with the "faster than you can say..." shit. But this time, directions changed. I liked it, AGAIN! :))
* "ME… I'M the control freak? Miss, walk into my office, make my dick cry out for mercy and then leave like the little leather sporting cock tease that
you are. Fucking red fuck me heels."
- Now.. That was unexpected as fuck and sexy as hell! Wow! Smooth talker much?
* "Charm the pants off of unsuspecting women?"
- now, Bella has seen Edward in aaction. It will be hard for her to resist him. Especially when he discovers that all those tricks work on her, too. :)
* "I think your face is beautiful… the rest of you…" I eyed her down and back up again. "Has yet to be seen."
- Son of a... Motherf... God damn it, this man! :))
* Attention all passengers, I'm gonna need you to put your seat belts on, we're getting ready for some major fucking turbulence headed our way.
- can't wait! :))
a few quickies... "staring right at Eddie Junior" part was so so good. poor Bella got caught. "the car fuck" comment was lie dirty talking foreplay. and HOT.AS.FUCK. "She's multi talented. Much like you my fine feathered tiny dancer" Really... You wanna start with nickname shit. Because I'm a big, I mean huge as Dickward's some body parts, fan of nicknaming institue... That's why I love Sawyer from Lost. :)) and for God's sake, the fight part was hot or what? I'm glad Edward rewarded with watching Swan's ass a little bit.. And oh.. with that smirk of his... Fucker! :))
btw, I forget to tell you something in the last review. you CAN write smut woman. even if it is non-couple. You killed me with it. You are committing crime repeatedly these days. :))